You’re In A Rest Deficit (No Wonder Everything Feels Hard)

Why you’re exhausted even when you’re “doing everything right.”

Not because you’re weak.

Not because you’re unmotivated.

And definitely not because you “can’t get your shit together.”

It’s because your life has required Olympic-level emotional output…and your nervous system is still running on a cracked iPhone battery.

Nicola Jane Hobbs — the author of The Relaxed Woman and one of my favourite humans writing about nervous system capacity — calls a rest deficit the gap between the rest your body needs and the rest you actually get.

For most women?

That gap isn’t a gap.

It’s a canyon.

Your body isn’t “tired.”

It’s depleted.

Chronic stress siphons off the exact resources that make you feel like yourself:

• emotional regulation

• clarity

• patience

• creativity

• self-trust

• desire

• hope

Hobbs explains that long periods of stress literally drain the mind-body systems you rely on to think clearly, love deeply, and show up as the woman you want to be.

And yet?

We’re out here blaming ourselves for not being “motivated.”

This is why you snapped at your kid.

Why the dishwasher feels overwhelming.

Why you freeze instead of starting that workout.

You’re not a disaster.

You’re depleted.

Signs you’re in a rest deficit:

• fatigue that doesn’t make sense

• mood swings you judge yourself for

• muscle tension

• insomnia

• cravings

• worsening PMS

• getting sick more often

• caffeine dependence

• wine dependence

• irritability over tiny things

• losing motivation for things you normally love

AKA: Wednesday.

But here’s the part that changes everything.

Rest is not the reward.

Rest is the resource.

Hobbs flips the whole thing on its head:

Most women are asking, “Have I worked hard enough to deserve rest?”

When the actual question is:

“Have I rested enough to be the woman I want to be?”

Read that again.

Because nothing in your life changes until you stop trying to earn rest

and start using rest to fuel your life.

And this?

This is why “Lazy Fitness Coach” is tongue-in-cheek.

I’m not anti-work.

I’m pro-capacity.

I’m pro-hard work AND pro-hard rest.

Because your body doesn’t respond to hustle — it responds to resources.

This isn’t about becoming a softer woman.

It’s about becoming a resourced woman.

A calm mom.

A confident woman.

A grounded leader.

A partner who doesn’t snap during the school-drop-off chaos.

Not because she’s disciplined.

Because she’s regulated.

Rest isn’t self-indulgent.

It’s leadership.

Every time you rest, you give the women around you permission to stop carrying impossible loads.

Your daughter is watching.

Your friends are watching.

Your team is watching.

Your rest lowers the collective standard of suffering.

So if you take one thing from this:

You’re not lazy.

You’re not flaky.

You’re not inconsistent.

You’re not broken.

You’re in a rest deficit.

And you can rebuild yourself one tiny moment at a time.

A breath.

A slow walk.

A stretch.

A five-minute lie-down.

A phone on Do Not Disturb.

A night of real sleep.

A moment of self-kindness.

You don’t deserve rest because you’ve earned it.

You deserve it because you exist.

Stay unbothered. Stay unshakeable. Stay strong.

I promise — you can’t lose.

xo, Anne

If this felt like a deep exhale, your nervous system is asking for more of that.

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