5 Tips to Say ‘No’ with Confidence (And Without Guilt, People-Pleasing, or a 10-Minute Explanation)

We did it while I was getting my hair done.

Yep. While I was getting my hair done, my husband sat in the salon chair next to me so we could actually spend time together and plan our upcoming trip.

It was winter, 2017, and I was booked out. I don’t mean “booked and busy” in the cute #bossbabe way—I mean fully maxed out.

There were no extra hours. Not even for my husband. Not even for once-in-a-lifetime opportunities (like doing massage therapy for actual rockstars, which I turned down that year).

This kind of nonstop hustle might look glamorous on Instagram, but it’s not sustainable for any of us—whether you’re a pop icon, a First Lady, or a high-achieving woman just trying to make it through Monday without losing your mind.

This kind of hustle hurts.

The universe stepped in—like it always does.Turns out, I was pregnant during that appointment. I didn’t know it at the time, but that baby forced me to pause, slow down, and start asking better questions.

In 2020, another event recently forced all of us to slow down. And now? Now we get to decide what we let back in.

For My Fellow Over-Doers

If you're a recovering people-pleaser or "say yes to everything" kind of woman, I see you. If you're used to equating productivity with worth, and you secretly fear disappointing people, you’re not alone. I’ve been there. My clients? Same.

The truth is:

Burnout doesn’t always come from doing too much. It comes from doing too much of the wrong things—things that don’t serve you, that drain you, that keep you stuck in resentment.

So here’s how I help my clients learn to say “No”—without the guilt.

5 Tips to Say ‘No’ with Confidence (Without Guilt, People-Pleasing, or a 10-Minute Explanation)

1. Get clear on what you do want.

Most women I coach come in knowing what they don’t want (to feel exhausted, resentful, or like they’re failing at everything)...But they can’t clearly say what they do want.

Start here:

• How do I want to feel today?

• How do I want to make others feel today?

• Who do I want to be today?

  
  

Zoom out:

• What do I want long-term?

• What does the “fit, strong, clear-headed” version of me do with her time?

• What do her boundaries look like?

  
  

Get honest. Get specific. And then start acting like her now—not later.

2. “Choose discomfort over resentment.” – Brene Brown

Saying “yes” can feel easier in the moment. But what’s harder in the long run?

• Having a 2-minute uncomfortable convo; or,

• Weeks (or years) of quiet resentment?

Your time and energy are precious. And every time you override your gut to please someone else, you're reinforcing the belief that their needs matter more than yours.

3. Create space between the ask and your answer.

Try this magic phrase: “Let me think about it and get back to you.”

Simple. Respectful. And it gives your nervous system a second to breathe before you agree to host the bake sale, volunteer for the event, or take on that one extra thing.

4. If it’s not a “Hell yes,” it’s a “No.”

This is how you build intuitive boundaries.

Whether it’s:

• Agreeing to a weekend getaway,

• Taking on another client,

• Committing to a class or course you’re “meh” about...

Ask:

You don’t owe your energy to everything just because you can do it.

5. Let FOMO go.

FOMO is fear talking. And fear is a terrible CEO for your life.

Make decisions from clarity, not chaos.

From expansion, not obligation.

From joy, not fear.

When your life is aligned with what you actually want…You don’t fear missing out. You get to experience the Joy of missing out.

You know you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.